British Holiday Parks

It was only after my last break at the caravan park that I realised how much baby names have changed since I was a boy.

At school, it was almost guaranteed that in any class there would be a Jack, John or Matthew. Everyone knew a James or a David, and everyone had dated a Sarah or Lisa by the time we’d reached sixth form.

Walking through the caravan park this year however really brought to my attention the seismic shift in what people nowadays choose to name their offspring.

“Callum!” “Chardonay!” “Jacob” “Miley!” “Rhianna!” Cried parental voices from all corners of the park. It seems that everyone wants their child to be the most modern and up-to-date when it comes to the name bestowed upon them. Maybe people think that calling their sprogs these names will mark them out to be different and unique; only they won’t be unique when they grow up and hundreds of other people all have the same name.

But I can understand the appeal of youngsters today choosing baby names based on celebrities; that’s just part of modern life.
Mind you, there are a few celebrities out there whose children’s names are almost guaranteed not to be copied, just for the sheer strangeness of them.

Gerard Way, lead vocalist of My Chemical Romance chose Bandit Lee Way for his baby girl, Gunnar Flowers is the name that the poor little son of Brandon Flowers, lead singer of The Killers, has to carry around for the rest of his life, but my absolute Top Trumps worst-celebrity-baby-name-this-year award goes to Nicole Richie, who chose to name her baby boy Sparrow. That’s right, Sparrow.

What next? I don’t think I could keep a straight face walking through the caravan park next year to cries of “Blackbird!” “Starling!” or “Cuckoo!”