Only I’m pretty sure she has different ideas about what constitutes a romantic present. Last week was her birthday, and she’s been complaining that the toaster we use in the caravan isn’t as good as the one we have at home.

I don’t really use either toaster, but she loves a slice of toast in the morning and I can see her point. At home, we have an all-singing four-slice gadget with a warming rack on the top, whereas the caravan toaster will only accommodate two slices, and it’s very difficult to catch the bread at the right point between being underdone and burning.

And so, it was with great smugness I wrapped up for her birthday a brand new toaster for the caravan, safe in the knowledge I had bought something practical for her to use every day.

She would love it, I was almost certain.

But how wrong I was. Her face turned sour as soon as she set eyes on it. I just don’t understand; I mean, I’d be delighted with something I could use in the caravan; some maintenance tools perhaps. But all she did was mumble about women and the kitchen and me not having a romantic bone in her body. Women!

All is not lost though, as the ease of sending ecards could revive peoples penchant for passing on ‘wish you were here’ messages. Greetings of the electronic variety are not only cheaper than a paper postcard, but they are kinder to the environment too.

Yes, sending ecards saves money and the world, what more could one want! Luckily our love for technology means there is a computer available at every turn, including camp sites (there really is nothing quite like living in the wild for a week to make you appreciate the marvels of modern technology).

Thanks to creative and clever computer lovers there are actually ecards for any occasion, so whether you’re camping it up in the forest, or getting cosy in a caravan park this Christmas, you can still say ‘wish you were here’, even when you’re glad they’re not.

You can even ditch glorious marquees in the gardens of a country house by swapping one type of canvas for another. As far as weird wedding venues go, here at BHP HQ we reckon a camp site has to be the only option to consider. Although, I suppose, we would say that!

Not only is it an opportunity to get married in the great outdoors, all the facilities are readily available at the local club house and there is plenty of room for guests to stay! Hell, the bride and groom can even bag themselves a honeymoon caravan. The only drawback about holding a wedding at a campsite is possibly the weather, well in the UK anyway.

This should be an idea for the summer season, but just like booking any other wedding venues that may be on your list, you’ll have to get in there early as staycations are the vacation du jour.

At school, it was almost guaranteed that in any class there would be a Jack, John or Matthew. Everyone knew a James or a David, and everyone had dated a Sarah or Lisa by the time we’d reached sixth form.

Walking through the caravan park this year however really brought to my attention the seismic shift in what people nowadays choose to name their offspring.

“Callum!” “Chardonay!” “Jacob” “Miley!” “Rhianna!” Cried parental voices from all corners of the park. It seems that everyone wants their child to be the most modern and up-to-date when it comes to the name bestowed upon them. Maybe people think that calling their sprogs these names will mark them out to be different and unique; only they won’t be unique when they grow up and hundreds of other people all have the same name.

But I can understand the appeal of youngsters today choosing baby names based on celebrities; that’s just part of modern life.
Mind you, there are a few celebrities out there whose children’s names are almost guaranteed not to be copied, just for the sheer strangeness of them.

Gerard Way, lead vocalist of My Chemical Romance chose Bandit Lee Way for his baby girl, Gunnar Flowers is the name that the poor little son of Brandon Flowers, lead singer of The Killers, has to carry around for the rest of his life, but my absolute Top Trumps worst-celebrity-baby-name-this-year award goes to Nicole Richie, who chose to name her baby boy Sparrow. That’s right, Sparrow.

What next? I don’t think I could keep a straight face walking through the caravan park next year to cries of “Blackbird!” “Starling!” or “Cuckoo!”

It is not only because the kids aren’t out playing all day any more, it is also because parents are finding they have to work longer hours, that these toys have become a necessary part of life for children. Providing interactive and educational apparatus that are also fun is not a solution that should be implemented 24/7, and to ensure that children get a balanced upbringing, more families should take to hills swathed with canvas (or nylon as the case may be nowadays) for a break.

This can also have an overwhelming positive effect on work related stress levels found in many parents, providing a perfect state of mind before both adults and children return to the bright lights of education, consumerism and employment.

There are quite a few artists and photographers that document the empty spaces left behind after people depart, resulting in eerily empty art works that leave the viewer feeling uneasy.

Camp sites are an ideal place to find such photographic fodder. The traces left behind of where caravans were parked or tents were pitched are easily captured and when combined with desolate play areas and ice cream huts that are closed can produce a stunning body of work. There are a handful of photographers that have made a name for themselves travelling costal resorts during winter to give an expectant audience an alternative vision of familiar places. With an eye for a good angle and a knack for good lighting any photographer can turn their hand to documenting similar landscapes.

Not only could you have a number of caravans decked out with boughs of holly, mince pies and some secret Santa gifts, you could have raunchy retreats laced with mistletoe and a bowl of over-proof punch. Behind the closed doors of a caravan no-one can see your shame! As far as party games go, rather than guess the photocopied butt-print on the first day back in January, why not play a kind of caravan roulette that would make ole Jezza and the crew simply burst with seasonal delight.

Pick a team, pick a caravan, and let the games begin in a fuse-lit frenzy of promotion and demotion; also known as survival by the skin of the teeth or a trip to A&E! The insurance claim alone would be a more than justifiable pay-off.

With a loan like this, you secure a loan from a money-lending firm as you would with a normal loan, only you have a friend or loved one behind you to step in to make the repayments should you be unable to do so.

This takes the hassle out of the politics of repayment; after all, as everything is legally bound with the lending firm. Why not draw up a contract between yourself and your loan guarantor, so that should you be unable to pay back the loan, you are at least legally bound to repay your friend, taking the worry and uncertainty out of it for them?

I wish someone had posed this to me as I signed for a guarantor loan for my friend Bill. He wanted to restore his classic car, and assured me my static caravan over at the holiday park wouldn’t be at risk; he could easily meet the repayments and the only reason he couldn’t get the loan independently of a guarantor was that his finances were a bit ‘tied up’ at the moment.

Fast forward a few months and, suprise suprise, Bill missed the repayments. Naively, I hadn’t really considered the possibility of this happening.
I began payments for a loan that wasn’t even meant for me! Had we signed an indemnity before hand, the immense panic I felt during this time would have been averted.

Luckily, Bill managed to pay me back the following year. The moral to this story is, if you are acting as a guarantor, always, always sign an indemnity which will legally bind the borrower to pay you back should you need to step in and make the repayments, and never ever put your static caravan at risk.